Chris Albrecht for Dummies
by Posertheoutcaset

Now to the order of business. There's always this creeping fear on the board that maybe we're being to harsh on some of the executive head honcho show-cancelling zombies. A quiet voice in our mind that wonders if just maybe the head honchos were being misquoted or having their words rearranged just so we could get a little madder.

Well, I cooked up a device that goes over the text from these articles, analyzes it, and then translates it into what it is really supposed to mean. I know, its fascinating, and I'm quite proud of it.

So to clear up any confusion, let me tell you what the following quotes REALLY mean:

Printed quote:
"Never have we gotten besieged the way we have been besieged by 'Carnivale' fans for deciding not to go on with the third season of that show."
Translation (true meaning):
"We really didn't think it would be so difficult to get rid of these people."

Printed quote:
"I mean literally 50,000 e-mails over a weekend and I don't mean the first weekend. It's so over-the-top, not just in terms of the number, but in terms of things that they say and threaten."
Translation:
"They say they'll cancel their subscription, but psssh, they can't do it. Thats just crazy talk. And I still can't understand why their all so bent out of shape."

Printed quote:
"Honestly, if Carnivale was a $2million an hour show, we'd keep going with it."
Translation:
"No we wouldn't."

Printed quote:
"But a period piece, shot all on location, a huge cast like that... its an enormous investment."
Translation:
"We like Deadwood better. (Cuz there's more boobies and swearing)."

Printed quote:
"You have to say can I take this money and allocate it in other ways to appeal to the same audience?"
Translation:
"We needed to put up a billboard for 'Rome.'"

Printed quote:
"After reading the e-mails, I'm not sure."
Translation:
"I never read those ****ing e-mails."

Printed quote:
"It would have made a difference, but fans of the show were watching it on the air."
Translation:
"If we wanted people to actually watch our shows, we'd stop putting out crap like Unscripted and The Comeback."

Printed quote:
"This is an example of why you shouldn't listen to critics. Everybody (pooped) all over that show."
Translation:
"I (pooped) all over this show."

Hope that clears things up for everybody.

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